Critters

A throwback Thursday

The sun is just beginning to peak over the trees this morning of our big mountain trip.

It seems like we have been planning this forever.

 This is our first grown up all-by-ourselves vacation

(Minus the weekend get away at camp) since we have been married.

Once every 14 years I say!!

We are not taking relatives.

We are not visiting relatives. 

We are just traveling just the 5 of us to an adventure through the smoky mountains.

Going to sleep in a real live hotel!!! Whoo hoo!!

Now some of you may be thinking this is way overdue

Yes… Yes  it is. But it was either this or the bills that had to be overdue.

So bills are paid and we are off.

It is possible we will be close to broke,

as in no liquid assists for a while,

when we get home but we will be mountainside!!!

And by that I mean we may have to become

 mountaineers and live off the land as we drain the savings.

But in the words of Scarlett O Hara:

 “Ill worry about that tomorrow (or next month)

At 5 a.m. the alarm went off and our oldest was already up and ready to fly out the door. 

I on the other hand was just stumbling to the kitchen to the coffee pot.

Thank goodness Marc had set it all up the night before

 and all I had to do was push a button.

Some of my worst mornings have come when Marc fails

 to complete this step as part of his nightly routine

In this event I usually find myself fiddling with the filters,

and trying not to have a heart attack as the grinder pulverizes the beans into dust.

 Then I half  hazardly pour the water into a two inch opening while my left eye attempts to twitch open.

As I stare into space awaiting the 3 beeps

that signal caffeine completion my pulse begins to recover from

the bean mutilation machine

I am still in such a state of confusion that I fail

 to notice the enormity of coffee grounds in my coffee cup.

But as I sip my already prepped coffee this morning

 I am somewhat perky and excited about our road trip.

  I hear a slight stirring in the next room and

 I assume it is Mr. Rodgers and go to greet him.

However it is not Mr. Rodgers

It is in fact the largest horsefly in North America.

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing a southern horsefly you are blessed.

I believe they are the Alabamian curse for participation in the confederacy.

They arrive every May and the BITE

The only relief comes when the dragonflies swoon in 3 weeks later to devour the beasts.

Ahhhh circle of life.

The only thing worse I have ever experienced came in the summer of 2000

when the 17 year locusts came out in literal Biblical proportions. 

But that’s another story.

I guess each region has its own quirks. 

Once Mr. Rodgers came back from South Carolina

 with his legs all bitten up from some critter.

“What in the world got you “I asked?

“I don’t know I never saw them”

“Excuse me?’

“Really, I asked the local boys what the heck was making me itch so badly because I couldn’t see them.’

“They all replied ‘We know and they will eat you up.’”

I told them “I obviously knew that but what –are-they-called?”(Silly south Carloiners)

They said “Noseeums”

Now wanting to engage in intellectual dialogue at all times

and being blonder than I pay to be I replied:

“Oh is that Lithuanian?”

My husband just shook his head very slowly and said

“They are called “NO-SEE-UMS” because you don’t see um!!”

Oh got it.

Gotta love local flavor.

  Wonder what lexical wonders we will encounter in the mountains?”

What do you have from your neck of the woods?

Provide definitions please!!

Universal Day one

Okay  I am way behind in the posting  partly because I have had a BLAST with my family at Universal
So let me just hit a few highlights of the trip

Rollercoaster is a Harry Potter Geek and I love it. I love the Harry Potter series. I think its inventive, imaginative and GOOD.  Yes I do .
 Now  I know other Christian friends who abort the series all together  and I respect their opinion and the fact that they choose to raise their kids with the best of intentions---so good for them. 
However I was hooked on the first movie, thanks to it's Christ-like sacrificial nature , but that is another whole story.

Anyway Rollercoaster  has read every book, several times and was chomping at the bit to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.   

Mr. Rogers not only arranged the on site accommodations but also early entry into the park by one hour

Did   you hear me  EARLY ENTRY!!!!

Rollercoaster ,a notoriously Non-morning person . was up , dressed , and at the door before I figured out how to work the single cup coffee machine
 HINT:  Look for the word "BREW" if your ever in the same situation.

Anyway off we go , catching the boat that comes to take us to Isles of Adventure, Universal Studios
(Who knows is I plug 'em enough maybe I can get some payback from the money pit vacation...more to follow)

We head straight to the castle ride.
 The one where people waited in the heat for 9 hours to get to on opening day.
 (The only event you should ever wait that long for should be a meeting with Jesus and Praise His Father , He never makes you wait that long)

Mr. Rogers also got us Express Pass, which gets you to the head of the line (and incidentally  gripes from those who have waited for an hour as you walk by).

Yeah Mr. Rogers you are batting a thousand.   How did I get so lucky???

The ride was great  but the look on Rollercoasters face was worth every dime!!!   Even Happy Mouth  who could care less and scoffs at those "who are boring enough to read"  was way into it!!!

We then proceeded to ride the Dueling Dragons ,which we went back to 4 more times (thank you express pass!!!) , shopped at  Honeycourts, Zonkos, and caught a singing toad side-show.

 We also ate at the 3 Broomsticks.

 Mr . Rogers thought that was perfectly named restaurant  to take the girls to.

 What the heck is he talking about?

As I write this,  I am finally alone.   I am in the Best Western in Madison.

Yes we decided to "Stay a Spell"-- Thanks to a worthless alternator.

The family has gone swimming and I have decided to stay in the room just to hear the sound of

NOTHING.

Ahhh........

Diane and Terry did indeed have to run us to the next exit down or "into town" as we were told in order to find lodging for the night.
 Danny has towed our car to Jimmy who is now in charge of finding an alternator for  a Honda in Smalltown, USA on a Sunday.

We can all do the math here:

Broken car+Small town+Sunday= Stayin' a Spell

We have two choices The Best Western or The Days Inn , which is owned by Jimmy's family (of course it is).

We opt for the Best Western because it has a pool

 PLUS (bonus coming here)        THE:

Yeah!!!  The Waffle House!!!!

Where your eggs can get cooked by a convict!!!! Who Hoo!!

When I announced the Waffle House fine dining option  Rollercoaster's exact words were

"Were living Big now!"

That's the spirit I thought!!     L-O-V-E that girl!!



Madison County-Small town USA

The car is shaking now
My stomach is doing flip flops
and our wallet is growing thinner than Kate Moss in her cocaine days.

Happy Mouth, Rollercoaster and Forrest are oblivious to any trouble thanks to all the Apple products physically adhered to their ears. We head down an exit ramp with only a light green sign with an outline of Florida with the number 23 in the middle.
I don't even think they make that shade of green for road signs anymore.

We S-L-O-W-L-Y   go down the exit    
and down
and down
and down  it is like we are descending into hades.

There are no signs for food, gas or lodging.
There are no signs that label a town or street.
Just kudzu suffocating everything it touches ,
winding up and completely covering pines, electric poles and wires and half of the overpass.

Mr. Rogers looks right    -nothing
I look left- nothing......but wait  a small speck of yellow

"Turn right" I shout because the car is on its last leg     Left we go and pull up to a lone gas station  forgotten by time.

Well .... it is civilization  right?

Okay so I will comment on the bit of obvious  "Welcome to the Big "O"'s.      I wish.

Mr. Rogers walks in spills our tale of whoa and is greeted by Diane who immediately
nods her poofy white curls and offers my husband some pecans.

Now you may think at this point that the banjo music should start playing

But I love small towns.
 I live in one. 
I like to visit them and I love meeting people in them.

Diane then reassures my husband that
 Danny will be more than happy to  "Come right on over and take a right look at that vehicle you got, I call him myself"

Within 8 minutes Danny has arrived, half the town knows we are there, my girls have been offered homemade pralines and Terry, Diane's husband, has been put on alert in case "them folks might be needin' a ride some where."

I love small towns.
Jesus was born in one, raised in another and loved everyone He traveled to.

And I am pretty sure He was in this one today.

Here's Your Sign

The road trip begins; but not before (a small detail I left out of yesterday's post) we have a sprained ankle from Rollercoast in the second game of the tournament!!! Sure throw some crutches into the gig, why not?

Anyway  we roll on out of our neck of the woods at 6:00 with a comment from Mr. Rogers.
"Hey how long has the battery light been on?"

-We should have just changed cars right then and there or rented a car  but instead...............

We just shrugged our shoulders and I answered
 "I don't know maybe they giggled the gages when they changed the oil yesterday?"

It sounded good at the time and Mr. Rogers and I bought it
You know the theory  "Ignore it I'm sure it will go away"

We were really counting on that theory

It was not to be....

All was well for about 300 miles   then the lonely red battery light

was joined by the orange "check engine" light.

Wow!!!

Now that is a lot to ignore,,,,,,  but as if we were even thinking of such a thing 

The car read our minds and added some random flipping of the indicator arrows on the RPM panel and  speedometer  then  all the lights on the dashboard went out......

and finally the gears were shifting on their own and the car was a chug -chugging in violent convulsions

that left no doubt , even the most optimistic....

The denial was over,

We officially had car trouble.

The Roadtrip Day 1

I must prerequisite this post with the fact that we have had INSANE days that have lead up to our vacation.
 We had random Sball practices, both school and travel and 3 days of 100 degree or higher heat. 
Nice.
Throw in 23 loads of laundry-  yeah that's not a typo  23!!!
Husband out of pocket for 3 nights due to work,  down by one car due to the accident, both Happy Mouth and Rollercoaster have jobs to get to this week, and last but not least............

Mr.Rogers has a Deep Sea Fishing tournament on Saturday which translates to

"Well of course I would love to
Get the car serviced for the road,
Pack for the trip,
Take care of the dog kennel arrangements,
Get Rollercoaster to her tournament,
Clean the pool,
Get the mail stopped,
Go to the grocery store,
Cook, clean  and
stab my eyes out in the process!!!!"

Anyway,  I guess the 4 other children (that are not ours) that spent the night and ate us out of house and home didn't lessen the craziness.
 I can't help it -I love kids and a good movie night!!
Yeah that one is going to have to be filed under "SIS"- Self Inflicted Stress.
But that's another story.

So finally at 11:00 at night, after waking up 3 times to "remember" something and put it on the list for the morning,  I am good to go.


Our plans were to head to Orlando, Fl visit grandparents and go to Universal.  Yeah!!!!!!!!! 
Sounds fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     Sounds like a plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you heard the expression

"If you want to hear God laugh; tell Him your plans."?

God is undoubtedly clutching His stomach as the Angels wipe away His tears of Hysteria

at this very moment.