Critters

A throwback Thursday

The sun is just beginning to peak over the trees this morning of our big mountain trip.

It seems like we have been planning this forever.

 This is our first grown up all-by-ourselves vacation

(Minus the weekend get away at camp) since we have been married.

Once every 14 years I say!!

We are not taking relatives.

We are not visiting relatives. 

We are just traveling just the 5 of us to an adventure through the smoky mountains.

Going to sleep in a real live hotel!!! Whoo hoo!!

Now some of you may be thinking this is way overdue

Yes… Yes  it is. But it was either this or the bills that had to be overdue.

So bills are paid and we are off.

It is possible we will be close to broke,

as in no liquid assists for a while,

when we get home but we will be mountainside!!!

And by that I mean we may have to become

 mountaineers and live off the land as we drain the savings.

But in the words of Scarlett O Hara:

 “Ill worry about that tomorrow (or next month)

At 5 a.m. the alarm went off and our oldest was already up and ready to fly out the door. 

I on the other hand was just stumbling to the kitchen to the coffee pot.

Thank goodness Marc had set it all up the night before

 and all I had to do was push a button.

Some of my worst mornings have come when Marc fails

 to complete this step as part of his nightly routine

In this event I usually find myself fiddling with the filters,

and trying not to have a heart attack as the grinder pulverizes the beans into dust.

 Then I half  hazardly pour the water into a two inch opening while my left eye attempts to twitch open.

As I stare into space awaiting the 3 beeps

that signal caffeine completion my pulse begins to recover from

the bean mutilation machine

I am still in such a state of confusion that I fail

 to notice the enormity of coffee grounds in my coffee cup.

But as I sip my already prepped coffee this morning

 I am somewhat perky and excited about our road trip.

  I hear a slight stirring in the next room and

 I assume it is Mr. Rodgers and go to greet him.

However it is not Mr. Rodgers

It is in fact the largest horsefly in North America.

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing a southern horsefly you are blessed.

I believe they are the Alabamian curse for participation in the confederacy.

They arrive every May and the BITE

The only relief comes when the dragonflies swoon in 3 weeks later to devour the beasts.

Ahhhh circle of life.

The only thing worse I have ever experienced came in the summer of 2000

when the 17 year locusts came out in literal Biblical proportions. 

But that’s another story.

I guess each region has its own quirks. 

Once Mr. Rodgers came back from South Carolina

 with his legs all bitten up from some critter.

“What in the world got you “I asked?

“I don’t know I never saw them”

“Excuse me?’

“Really, I asked the local boys what the heck was making me itch so badly because I couldn’t see them.’

“They all replied ‘We know and they will eat you up.’”

I told them “I obviously knew that but what –are-they-called?”(Silly south Carloiners)

They said “Noseeums”

Now wanting to engage in intellectual dialogue at all times

and being blonder than I pay to be I replied:

“Oh is that Lithuanian?”

My husband just shook his head very slowly and said

“They are called “NO-SEE-UMS” because you don’t see um!!”

Oh got it.

Gotta love local flavor.

  Wonder what lexical wonders we will encounter in the mountains?”

What do you have from your neck of the woods?

Provide definitions please!!

The End

Okay  so it has been more than a day.

  Here is the thing about crisis, mishaps, and well even blogging: While they are happening  everything else keeps on going.

I mean it is not like your dirty laundry went on strike to give you a break, or your family decided to fast so you could skip making dinner.

No it all keeps rolling on, and as much as I wanted to finish this story the next day,
 I had to do those things I NEEDED to do instead of the things I WANTED to do.
In light of this revelation I will be doing something new but first on to the end.

Beginnings are great and endings can be sad but for this trip  the end was welcome.

The ticket "incident" , as we are referring to now, was interesting.
 Apparently the officer who pulled me over had tracked me several miles back doing 78 in a 60.
 He was out of his vehicle and waving and pointing at me to pull over.  He asked if I had seen him doing that.

"Yes," I said "I saw you flapping your arms back there and pointing, but I didn't know it was meant for me.'
Officer:  "What did you think it was for? "

Me:  "I don't know I just thought you wanted everyone over in the right hand lane"

Officer:  "Where are you headed?"

Me:  "Home, thank God. We have had the worst trip with 2 sets of car trouble"

Officer :" I tracked you at 78 in a 60 and you failed to pull over when I signaled you"

Me: " Okay, well I have never been pulled over from the front before I guess that is how long ago I got a ticket so I didn't know what you were doing"  (honest but not the best choice)

Officer:  "This ticket will be at least $250 when your over 15 miles above the speed limit"

Me; (deep breathe here)  "Great , oh course it will , why wouldn't it be?
 This has already been the trip from Hell so lets just top it off.
 Here is my registration and license"

Officer (now staring and peeking in the back seat to see Happy Mouth and Rollercoaster with their mouths ajar)  "Th-Th-Thanks I'll be right back" 
Off he goes to run my plates

I  now burst in to tears because the pressure is just too much.
 I can't run a mile,
 I can't drink a glass of wine,
I have no other release here.

He has seen this look on a woman before . 
The teeter totter of emotions.

That" I- could -snap -at-any- moment look."

I bet he was thinking  "I bet this lady is crazy enough to come back here and protest this and make my life a train wreck."


Officer:  "Mrs. Hill , your record is clean and it sounds like you have had a heck of a trip, so  I am just going to give you a warning and hope you have a safe trip back. We are out in record numbers today, so watch your speed."  
He hands me the papers back from a safe distance.

Me: "Oh ,thank you.  I will.''

I really need to thank the woman in his life.

Fun Facts

So we have filled our time with everything we can in this town.
 So after that 15 seconds we just had to rely on our own creativity.
Something our family is not in short supply of!!

Here are a few fun facts we found out about Madison County, Florida.

• It has exactly 4 stoplights (we only saw one)
• The Best Western was a great place to stay.
• Madison is a wealth of hidden pre and early 1900's history
• It is home to a boarding house owned by a widow with 6 children in the 1920's . Apparently a boarder died in one of the room and forever became know as "the dead man room" (like what else would you call it?) 

Anyway according the to the Madison Chamber of Commerce:  "The children were sent to this room when they misbehaved."

What???  

 Okay I don't know about you but thanks to Madison's crazy widow and TLC shows  I am sooooooo in the running for Mama of the Year!!!

• Dr. Yates brought the first static electric machine to the state of Florida in 1902 and opened Madison's first sanitarium in 1914.

Is it me or is anyone seeing a connection here?                Electrical, that is....

Finally  the best fun fact about Madison , Florida has to simply be

• It's off the beatin' path but it was a path worth beatin'!!!

Stop on by if your ever near .....................

or just broke down.

    

Road trip meal one

Waffle House is actually a fine establishment for a hungry and tired crew.  We went after the church rush and before the dinner crowd came in so we were in good shape and received personal attention.

Forrest was fascinated by the spinning stools at the counter, so she sat up there,
 while the older girls opted for their own booth and Mr. Rogers and I had a booth to ourselves.

Insert Romance here.
 I actually had a left over multi-colored birthday candle in my purse I could have used for ambiance but I held off.
   Don't want to spoil that man!!!

Anyway  we went wild and told the girls that they could order whatever they wanted and "Yes you may even have another coke- it doesn't matter if you already had one or not today." 
ATTN: Perfect mothers , here is where you judge me

Wow spinning stools and 2 cokes in one day? 
Who needs Universal?  We have it all right here!!

Forrest is in sugar heaven right now and is wearing that stool out; 
Spin left, now right , now left again,  Sip Sprite-Repeat

She decides to order off of the regular menu (not kids) and wants a cheeseburger with bacon.
She has a thing for ordering pig on cow.

We agree and she says "I want to order on my own"
Sounds good to us, we have been working on public conversing and politeness.
 I will now accept my "good mama badge " here.


We then over hear her asking Happy Mouth how to pronounce the name of the burger:

as you can imagine they were coaching her on the pronunciation minus a certain
consonant.  Hmmm...................................................  funny, yeah really funny.

This is with 3 girls, I keep telling myself it would be worse with boys right?