But not until I got hooked up for the epidural (yeah!!). I had a HMO and at the time the anesthesiologist came in and prepared your line to your spine and then would attach the Demerol through a tube later when needed.
My anesthesiologist was a man with only 3 fingers on his left hand- NO LIE
I have nothing against anyone who has a amputation I just didn't expect to see one at this moment.
As I cradle myself into the fetal position as much as my belly will allow I hear him say "relax it is very important that you don't move"
I am now trying to imagine just how I will tend to my child as a paralyzed woman.
Mr. Rogers was watching Seinfeld. He assured me it was fine the three fingers acted as a slide for insertion of the line. 3 fingers laughed at that one.
I would have smacked him except that I was trying NOT to be paralyzed.
Anyway next came the nurse with pitocin. A drip added to the IV no big deal.
Because of my slow to no progress -(1 1/2 cm) Mr. Rogers was in and out greeting people in the waiting area.
Everything took so long that my parents actually flew in form Texas and had driven to the hospital before any real progress was made.
After about 30 minutes I start to feel all "crampy " and stuff in my low back. Over the next 10 minutes it gets worse
I ask Mr. Rogers if he will get a nurse to check for me. He shrugs a bit thinking this is a unnecessary step and says "Okay I will tell her on my way to the lobby, my mom brought me Sonny's BBQ."
I smile realizing he is out of my grasp and say "Enjoy"
Yea buddy enjoy Ill just take another round of ice chips
The nurse comes directly in and asks how I'm doing.
"Okay" I say" I was wondering if maybe it is time for the epidural medicine."
She smiles and says let me check first.
After snapping on a pair of rubber gloves she checks on my progress.
Her eyes get as big as silver dollars.
"Have you pushed at all yet?' she firmly asks
"No, am I supposed to?"
"No do not push just hang on. You are now at 8 1/2 cm but please resist the urge to push.
Okay I think and them remember my birth class and realize 81/2 is too late for an epidural.
I am now in pain and panic.
But before I can truly react an alarm i going off on the baby's monitor, the nurse is buzzing some code on the intercom and random people are coming into the room.
I ask for my husband and in 30 seconds he is flying down the hallway and standing at my head by the nurses command.
I glance towards the baby's heart monitor
It is dropping.....60.....53......44.......32......
My BP monitor is rising.....124......167.........................178.....
The lights are now dimmed and a doctor , not my doctor comes in with a team of specialist and a baby incubator.
My bed is now raised and I am almost sitting.
My head is spinning.
I start to vomit.
Mr. Rogers is holding a cup for me to throw up in.
2 nurses climb onto my bed one on each side and lock arms.
They are push/massaging my stomach to move the baby down.
I hear no cry.
The doctor who is such a tiny woman I swear she could just crawl inside me and get the baby utters the words;
"The cord its wrapped twice"" then
"Suction, set Apgar 1"
Okay I am way dazed by this wave of violence that has just taken place but even catch the Apgar score .
One? That is like one a way form zero, which is.........
The baby is placed in an open incubator next to me while no less than 5 people works on her.
At this point Mr. Rogers is literally cupping my face and turning my head to him. He will not allow me to look.
I finally utter a cry "Why won't she cry"
I am scared to hear the answer.
A wonderful voice starts talking to me and letting me know all that is going on
:she has a tube down her throat so she will not be able to make a cry"
"she is breathing but not on her own yet."
A relax a bit and Mr. Rogers releases his grip.
I reach over to touch a finger. She is so white and so blue
I hear Apgar 7
7 yea 7 is good.
I am crying now and shaking uncontrollably.
My legs feel as if they could fall off and my nether region is on fire .
They tell me she is regaining color, that her vitals are stabilizing and they will be taking her to NICU.
They motion for Mr. Rogers and he follows.
I don't let go of his hands I beg him to stay with me.
"Ive gotta go with her , and see what needs to be done"
Of course he has to go with Happy Mouth. He has a heavy load on him right now,
there could be decisions to make ,
and diagnoses to hear and maybe even bad news to tell.
I release him and I am caught up in the shame of my selfishness
From the time the nurse came in to check on me until she was born was