Buy A Mix

Today I am a bit inspired, thanks to a post from Simple Mom , that talked about creativity and not fearing failure, to share a story from when I was a new mom back in the day that taught me about both..

And coincidentally it is Thursday , so we will go with at Throwback!

When I was a new mom I had the "Syndrome".
 Not  postpartum-- much worse

I had the "I -am -going-to-be -the-best-mother-ever,
never-grow-tired-or-weary,
and always-be-in-love-with everything-I-do-for -my child! Syndrome

Veteran Mothers:  please feel free to gag when necessary.
Newbie: The best teacher is not experience , it is other peoples experiences. Take heed

This story is about 17 years old but it is fresh in my memory
and serves as a great reminder to
"never go there again"
when my judgement spins off.

I was so locked into the Syndrome that I couldn't even
see the headlights of the train wreck up ahead
 that was my inevitable meltdown.

My daughter Happy Mouth was in the 18-24 month old Mother's Day Out on T/TH.

It was the Spring Party and my first outside of the house event in weeks.
 (Adults I need adults)
The sign up sheet was decorated beautifully with hearts and roses and a cheery greeting of
"What can I bring?"  followed by suggestive items and a place to fill in your name.

The normal items were listed such as cheese blocks, cut up grapes, paper plates etc etc
and then at the bottom in all its shining glory I saw:

Volunteer ( I should have turned tail right here)
 to
Bring Your Best!!!
(any dish you wish!!!)

and you will never believe this ....
it was BLANK!!

How lucky could I be?
 I grabbed that purple gel pen hanging on the string and signed
my name proudly to the coveted empty space.

It was like I won the preschool volunteer lottery!!
 I wish at this point someone had just slapped me.

I need to mention that I never considered why the space was blank
or why I didn't actually have to elbow someone like
it was Black Friday at Tiffanys.
But  remember one of the symptoms of the Syndrome is Obliviousness.

So I kissed Happy Mouth goodbye and went off in exploration
of the finest confectionery concoction this side of the Mason Dixon.

Now hindsight is 20/20 because the foresight was a whopping 0/0.
At this point in life I have basically made eggs, a crockpot roast and....a cosmo.
Not necessarily in that order.

So whatever propelled me forward and took hold of my faculties in order to
 convince me that I could bake and decorate the
 Southern Living Award Winner of 19something or other
Baby Block Cake is still unknown to this day.

 But it took hold of me and it took me fiercely.


This is not the exact image ( I guess Google doesn't have images from before the everything you see can be uploaded era,) bu it's close .

Close to what it is supposed to look like, that is.

I bought the ingredients .
The ingredients that were way out of our budget.

Man- working- retail- while -putting- out resumes-
+ SAHM -saving- for- a- washing machine
  does not =
Let's buy Marzipan and real cocoa.

Oh well I like rice,
its what's for dinner (all week).

The next Thursday was the Spring Party.
 I was going to drop Happy Mouth off at MDO and dash ,
because that's what perky organized moms do -they dash,
 home to whip up this gorgeous cake.*

Now I have included an * here on purpose ,and I have a few *  moments to tell
(but that's another story).

The * here is to note that at this point I am no longer in focus
of a mama's true purpose.
 
Every woman at one time or another in her life subscribed to the BS
that being super mom or a better mom than so and so translates to successful mom.
 
It is  like getting flowers at home vs the office .
 Why would you bother to get them unless other women see them
and you get your bragging  rights of "My husband loves me so much"  moment?

You may think this shallow and you would be correct.
But every woman , aware or not, has been here at one time.
 If your one of those non-existent  rare women, we will never be friends then congratulations.

But this is a huge deceptive thinking and will rob you of immense joy and relaxation
as I am about to demonstrate.

Ahh humm where was I?

Oh yes.

  Impossible Recipe .

 Expensive Ingredients. 

Time Shortage

Now MDO is 9-2 ,but the party is at 12.
So I have less than 3 hours to bake, make and deliver this cake in all its glory.

WARNING: The following story may be unsuitable for well.....
                                just about anyone with a bladder.

STEP 1: CAKE 
I make the cake from scratch (Danger Will Robinson Danger!!)
There is so much measuring involved.
Teaspoon , Tablespoon   yeah  yeah yeah
 you say tomato-  I say tomato

STEP 2: FLAVORING
I add the flavoring to the cake.
Oh I bet just a little more will be even better!!
Did I mention I have never actually baked - just licked the spoons?

STEP 3:BAKE
Okay into the oven it goes.
Our dial is a little messed up.
 It keeps slipping off but we usually just pull out needle nose pliers.
Improvising is the key to life!!!
Okay cake in.

STEP 4: FROSTING
Frosting time!!
Butter,
Powdered sugar,
Food coloring-
What could go wrong?

Mixing with one beater (thank you garbage disposal)
A few extra drops of red for fun
and
WaaLaaa!!!

 I have hands that could star in a Friday the 13th movie.
Dang- oh well a quick bleach wash.

STEP 5: DECORATE
Marzipan time!
Molding,  shaping,  flattening and hand cutting out letters by hand.
Sounded reasonable at the time

STEP: 6 MINOR ER
All the suddenly hands are like
itchy and  ummm
on fire?

Could I be allergic to marzipan?
or could it be the bleach soaking i just took?

Okay hydro cortisone cream.
check
The timer rings.

STEP 7: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STEPS!!!
I open the oven door to ..........
a cold dark space with a pan of raw cake batter.

My hands are still itching and my left eye has a twitch in it.
I grab my pliers and switch that bitch to 450!!
"100 more degrees for lost minutes" I shout triumphantly!!
I am sure Martha has done that 1,000 times.

STEP 8: ABANDON ALL HOPE
I have forgotten to breath until the phone rings and startles me.
I spin around knocking over food coloring bowl #3: New Grass Green

"Damn!!! "  I snatch the phone: "Hell" (no I did not forget the o)
"Oh hey baby it's me (husband) you okay?"

Now I realize that he has no idea what I am doing but that
"Are you okay" question just sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

 It could have been the friction in my hands from constant rubbing pain
 but I went with- it was him.

STEP 9: PULL OUT IRRATIONAL ANONYMOUS CARD
"AM_-I- OKAY?"

"Yeah I was just seeing what you were doing?"

"WELL I AM BAKING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER"

"Oh that's right isn't the Spring thingy today?'

"THE SPRING THINGY?  WHY YES SWEETIE IT IS TODAY!"

"Hey its 11:00 when do you have to be there?

"ELeven ?? already  - I am slowly melting like the wicked witch of the west.

I cradle the phone in my hands , rocking back and forth, back and forth
back and forth.........

"Babe, are you there?"

"Yes" I stammer through quivering lips "I am still here - why  oh why am I ?"

"Honey - what time is Happy Mouth expecting you?"

STEP 10: GET YOUR POOP IN A GROUP
This jolts me into reality.
Happy Mouth is expecting  me
 cake or no cake.

I straighten remembering
that  I  cannot be conquered by mere  cake.

I come back to earth and answer
"Yeah you're right. Sweetie I need to let you go and get ready. Thanks"

The phone clicks.

I race to the bathroom brushing out as  much  flour from my hair as possible,
switch into a fresh shirt and brush my teeth.
I put Tupperware lids on the frosting,
 kick the jolly green one in the pantry
and pull out a slighlty burnted cooked warm cake.

Load it all in a laundry basket along with 2 spoons and a knife

and I dash  race like I'm at Daytona to MDO.

I arrive at 12:01  .
I take out the cake,  cut it in small chunks blocks ,
drizzle slap 3 different colors of frosting on it and bolt up the stairs.

I am not the first mom there but I'm
THE MOM Happy Mouth takes into her arms and flat out steals my whole heart.

We sing, We pray We eat.

I uncover my concoction, which basically looks like unicorn poop.
Happy Mouth and her preschool minions do they ""oooh"" "ahhh"

I'm smiling inside and out and I watch with delight as the kids dig into it
dyeing their lips and teeth dark shades of red, blue and orange.
 Much to th chagrin of a few I cant be friends with you  perfect mother types.

This also makes me put my head back and laugh.

The kids look beautiful and happy eating the unicorn poop cake!!!

I finally sit in a chair and my body unwinds as I laugh .

Two moms who are not threatened by my culinary skills sit near me.
  I share my crazy story with them.

They laugh with me and I
I ask them  "What did y'all bring?

One says " Napkins."
The other says " A bag of Chips"

We all stare at each other for a bit and then burst into fits of laughter.

The soft spoken kind one , who would later become my best friend, offers me this advice.

"I have 3 words for you if you ever feel the need to try to impress again " she says with authority

"Buy-A-Mix."

and so I have.......
























Extra thanks to a post at Simple Mom entitled Life After Art. So worth the read

Easter Hopes

He Is Risen!!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.
 My tribe  was especially blessed because we were able to see my best friend Mamaricecake 's son be baptized
 It was awesome.

Now my family has a long history of church stories.
They are not really what you are thinking. 
Some of you may be picturing angelic children
 holding the hands of the wisest elders in Holy union
as they make a joyous noise unto the Lord that caused  the Host of Heaven to weep.

Think again my friends.             Think again

My family history of unexpected , inappropriate yet hilarious moments is 4 generations strong.

The earliest one I can remember is of my great grandmother
 called Ma Ruth, my Nana, my mother and her siblings
 arriving to church late and literally busting open the door.
 Needless to say a few heads turned and
alas the only seating was in the front two rows.

Ultra convenient.

As if that wasn't enough ,my mother lost her earring
 in the pew bringing fits of laughter to her  cousin and sister .
Ma Ruth not so much.

There was as much shoulder shaking from holding in laughter as their were thigh pinches and stern looks.

There have been other incidents.
A small fire incident on Christmas Eve,
a child imitating the song leader
and a thunderous break of wind from Ma Ruth herself.

My all time favorite though has to be when we were
 visiting my mother's church in Houston.
 They normally have a children's sermon
where the children are gathered up front with the pastor to hear a short story.

When they called for the children up front
Mom and I both thought it was for the children's sermon.

As the children approached the alter
they were placed by height into 3 neat rows.

"That's different" my mom said.
 I just shrugged my shoulders and waved at my beauties!

Then the music minister stands up and starts directing the singing.

What  singing you ask?

The singing coming from all the children on stage!!!!

My mom and I freeze
and slowly look at each other as the uncommon rehearsed song pours out of the children's mouths.

My kids are puppy dogged eyed and mortified.

My mom and I can not stop laughing.

The song goes on Rollercoaster looks like she could melt into a puddle as quick as the wicked witch of the west . 

Happy Mouth is moving her lips and I think she is singing "Watermelon, watermelon, Jesus, watermelon."

Oh my gosh I now have tears pouring down my face!!
I can not look at my mom.

I can hear her trying not to laugh and she is sniveling like hyena with bronchitis.

People  are now starting to notice-
not my kids
but us.

We are so obnoxious at this point
that I am sure that the "I-got -it-together " informed parents are just flat pissed off.

About the time we calm down it gets better........

M poor babies, only age 6 and 4 ,
are at a total loss
 when the microphone gets passed to them!!!!!
 
I kid you not.
 They start passing the microphone down the row and each child says a part

I have now wet my pants and owe the church a pew cleaning.

Rollercoaster is handed the microphone.

She looks at it , looks  at me and shakes her head in a
"NO WAY TODAY " fashion.

She passes it on.

This only infects my mother with more uncontrollable hysterics.

Finally it is  Happy Mouth's turn--and she delivers-

Not only does she take the microphone but she sings-- LOUDLY

"Jesus, watermelon, Jesus, I love you, watermelon."

I can no longer see, my eyes simply won't open.

Someone eventually has to pull the microphone out of her hand!!!

The pint size choir finishes
and we are shot a look from Rollercoaster that is undeniably a death threat.

Oh my !! My abs are hurting from laughter just recalling that story.

But this Easter I added my own episode to the mix

Let me set the stage:  We were sitting in the balcony, slanted stadium style seating

As we were praising ,
I had my eyes closed and my hand lifted.

I must have moved forward without knowing
it because my right foot fell into
the gap between my flooring and the pew in front of me,.

I was so startled that I  let out  a "yelp".

 Nice high pitch "yelp"
Heads turned.


Thank goodness I didn't fall
thanks to the quick reflexes of Mr. Rodgers.
He grabbed my other arm just in time.

As I turn back to him he has this look on his face like

"What are you doing?"

I have seen this look before

Many, many times.
Many , many , many times......

It got me so tickled that I had to turn away.

Rollercoaster and Happy mouth are now staring at me.
Happy Mouth cracks a smile and tries to keep on singing.

Rollercoaster is just disgusted.

She has a look on her face that reminds me of a looney tunes character.

Sylvester the cat, the one always after tweety bird,
has a son who is vehemently ashamed of him and just wants to know
"Why oh why cant he be like other fathers?"

This is the look Rollercoaster is giving me.

She is thinking:
 "Why , oh why must every 11 seconds of my life be filled with the embarrassing truth that you are my mother?"

This only makes me laugh harder.

I can not sing,
I can not breathe
I can only scoot to the end of pew and run for the ladies room.

33 minutes

After my water broke and nothing happened for 14 hours it was decided that pitocin would be used.



But not until I got hooked up for the epidural (yeah!!). I had a HMO and at the time the anesthesiologist came in and prepared your line to your spine and then would attach the Demerol through a tube later when needed.

My anesthesiologist was a man with only 3 fingers on his left hand- NO LIE
I have nothing against anyone who has a amputation I just didn't expect to see one at this moment.
As I cradle myself into the fetal position as much as my belly will allow I hear him say "relax it is very important that you don't move"

I am now trying to imagine just how I will tend to my child as a paralyzed woman.
Mr. Rogers was watching Seinfeld. He assured me it was fine the three fingers acted as a slide for insertion of the line. 3 fingers laughed at that one.


I would have smacked him except that I was trying NOT to be paralyzed.
Anyway next came the nurse with pitocin. A drip added to the IV no big deal.


Because of my slow to no progress -(1 1/2 cm) Mr. Rogers was in and out greeting people in the waiting area.

Everything took so long that my parents actually flew in form Texas and had driven to the hospital before any real progress was made.

After about 30 minutes I start to feel all "crampy " and stuff in my low back. Over the next 10 minutes it gets worse
I ask Mr. Rogers if he will get a nurse to check for me. He shrugs a bit thinking this is a unnecessary step and says "Okay I will tell her on my way to the lobby, my mom brought me Sonny's BBQ."

I smile realizing he is out of my grasp and say "Enjoy"
Yea buddy enjoy Ill just take another round of ice chips


The nurse comes directly in and asks how I'm doing.
"Okay" I say" I was wondering if maybe it is time for the epidural medicine."

She smiles and says let me check first.
After snapping on a pair of rubber gloves she checks on my progress.
Her eyes get as big as silver dollars.

"Have you pushed at all yet?' she firmly asks
"No, am I supposed to?"

"No do not push just hang on. You are now at 8 1/2 cm but please resist the urge to push.
Okay I think and them remember my birth class and realize 81/2 is too late for an epidural.

I am now in pain and panic.

But before I can truly react an alarm i going off on the baby's monitor, the nurse is buzzing some code on the intercom and random people are coming into the room.
I ask for my husband and in 30 seconds he is flying down the hallway and standing at my head by the nurses command.

I glance towards the baby's heart monitor
It is dropping.....60.....53......44.......32......
My BP monitor is rising.....124......167.........................178.....

The lights are now dimmed and a doctor , not my doctor comes in with a team of specialist and a baby incubator.

My bed is now raised and I am almost sitting.

My head is spinning.
 I start to vomit.

Mr. Rogers is holding a cup for me to throw up in.
2 nurses climb onto my bed one on each side and lock arms.
They are push/massaging my stomach to move the baby down.


I hear no cry.

The doctor who is such a tiny woman I swear she could just crawl inside me and get the baby utters the words;

"The cord its wrapped twice"" then
"Suction, set Apgar 1"


Okay I am way dazed by this wave of violence that has just taken place but even catch the Apgar score .

One? That is like one a way form zero, which is.........


The baby is placed in an open incubator next to me while no less than 5 people works on her.

At this point Mr. Rogers is literally cupping my face and turning my head to him. He will not allow me to look.

I finally utter a cry "Why won't she cry"
I am scared to hear the answer.


A wonderful voice starts talking to me and letting me know all that is going on
:she has a tube down her throat so she will not be able to make a cry"
"she is breathing but not on her own yet."


A relax a bit and Mr. Rogers releases his grip.
I reach over to touch a finger. She is so white and so blue

I hear Apgar 7
7 yea 7 is good.

I am crying now and shaking uncontrollably.
My legs feel as if they could fall off and my nether region is on fire .

They tell me she is regaining color, that her vitals are stabilizing and they will be taking her to NICU.


They motion for Mr. Rogers and he follows.
I don't let go of his hands I beg him to stay with me.

"Ive gotta go with her , and see what needs to be done"

Of course he has to go with Happy Mouth. He has a heavy load on him right now,

there could be decisions to make ,

and diagnoses to hear and maybe even bad news to tell.

I release him and I am caught up in the shame of my selfishness


From the time the nurse came in to check on me until she was born was

33 minutes.

I can't wait

She has had the time of her life

She has laughed and danced with prescious children

She has walked miles for water

She has helped prepare a goat for slaughter

She has eaten goat intestine

She has fallen asleep while being gaurded by Massai Warriors

She has seen elephants. lions, and zebras- Oh MY!!

She has taught the Massai the tune of Sweet Home Alabama

and now  she is on her way home  and I am about to burst

I can't wait!!!

but more than all ..........................

She has worshiped a Mighty God

She has sought and found her heart deep in a land called

AFRICA.



A picture worth 1,000 words of comfort and joy

This picture is from the all girls orphanages in Tanzania .

My sweet Happy Mouth is in the middle .

This is a sweet loving picture for many reasons.

I am so glad they are there holding, loving those who long for it.

These sweet children have very little and what they did have , their parents

were taken from them.

Yet look at their faces

Smiling , Playful, Tender

Look closely at Happy Mouth (blue dress, brown braid) she

has a pair of little hands at the bottom of her braid!!

Twirling her hair. All you can see is the hands just playing with her hair.

It is so sweet.

She has a child balanced on each leg and one playing with her hair!!

But I see more...

and forgive me if it is selfish

I see my baby

Smiling

Happy

I see her and I miss her

but

I see her content

I see her joyful

and my fears

and my worries

melt away

and my prayers

are

not in vain.

God has been so faithful through

out the whole Africa adventure

and I keep praying for Him

to spiritually prepare her

for all that she will do

see and experience

and for all that He has for her.

That smile

is

God

at

work!

Good news from a distant land

I will just ler her say it.....
(the typos are related to the sleep or lack there of.....

I have no other way of putting info out there except for via facebook from an incredibly slow computer at a missiony home we were so BLESSED to stay at tonight!!!
We have hot(ish) showers :) yesterday we visited an orphanage for young girls
 i made a friend named Razeeke her name literally meaning "i have nothing"
 makes my heart ache these orphans brought tears to my eyes
 not only tears of sorrow but tears of extreme joy
 as they sang Jesus loves me in english for us
 they also taught us a song which i can not get out of my head
 it is in swahili but the english version means
 God is able therre is no one like you father.
 Today we visited an orphanage out in the bush very dry and dusty area and it is a 11 mile drive
 that took 2 hrs and 40 min because it was up a mountion and all the roads arre dirt
 we got to talk to a massi warrior who told us of his process of killing a lion
so much more has happened but because this computer is so slow
 im gonna have to wrap it up even though my mother is probley the only one reading this!
love you all pray for the windmill well to be completed in time -Ash.




That is the best news!!!  and I want every one to read it!!!

July 12 ? 13 ? a.m. or p.m.?

I am trying to keep up communications with mydaughter as much as possible.
With Tanzania being 8 hours ahead
 it is getting confusing.

Happy Mouth Hey Telled me this morning telling me it was 7 p.m.
 and it was dark so she was on her way to bed.

I don't think the plane ride had a whole lot of sleeping going on.

So to recap:
 She left DC at noon--  flew until midnight (our time)
which is 8 a.m Tanzania time the next day July 13th

Then 2 hours later they board a plane for Mt Kilamonjaro airport

 and arrive in Tanzania at 12:35 p.m. (T time)

So after customs check and a meal

                                                           it was time to hit the sack at 7 p.m

She was the poster child for exhaustion!!!

The Hey Tell she gave me was great

 It is so nice to hear her voice!!!

If you don't know what the Hey Hey Tell is check it out on then link.

It is kinda like a walkie talkie but uses data and wherever Wifi is , it is free.

It is saving us a bundle and its way better than a text !!!

The friend she is with above is documenting their travel on her blog

check it out at http://leahgwin.posterous.com/

Africa -17 Days away

Well  Wed has come and gone  and I have done one project
A pitiful one........
I spray painted 3 candle holders form the dollar store .
That's it
My BIG  think off the I Want To List
Blah  
I have 5 more steps to go before the project is finished. 
Hey Rome wasn't built in a day!!

I have too much going on  and its good things!!

I spent Thursday  with Happy Mouth and preparing for Africa.

She has a beautiful hot pink trunk


filled with all things Africa!!

Baby wipes (for the only form of "shower" she can take)
2 packs of Wmart panties (they will go down the "hole"-not making the trip back)
Flashlight and extra batteries
Sleeping bag (deluxe sleeping accommodations in the tent)
Hand sanitizer (aka hand wash)
Bible (travel size to leave with the village)
Journal (So she can record all the adventure)
4 long dresses (respectable cultural dress)
Passport necklace (so she doesn't SET IT DOWN ANYWHERE)
Shock proof, water proof camera (in other words Happy Mouth Proof!!)
A international travel text plan (for the 2-5 days she will actually be in a service area)

That's is what is in her trunk

This is what is in her heart:

Passion (to go where God calls her)

Excitement (for all things new)

Adventure ("I will drink the blood clot -it is supposed to be good luck")
 Insert a horrific look on my face here.
and most importantly

Hope (void of all fear)

I think she will be fine.


I on the other hand  am accepting all tequila donations.

Skills

Well after getting all the information taken care of car wreck wise,
 Rollercoaster started complaining about pain down the length of her arm and also her neck hurting.

Needless to say it was ambulance time.
So they came quickly and checked both girls out.
It was decided that she should go to the hospital to get checked out

Happy Mouth pipes up, as she is eyeing ambulance man up and down , that her neck also hurts.
Hmmmm...how convenient  So they both get neck braced and put into the ambulance as I follow behind.

Living in  Po Dunk as we do--- it is 22 miles to the nearest hospital.
So on the long ride I think who should I call and tell but then I receive a peace
as if God is whispering-"I am taking care of them"

So I relax and decide to just meet Mr. Rogers at the hospital.
 As am filling out the paperwork  , cute ambulance man (barley-22 tops) comes out and tells me they are both doing well and will call me back shortly.

He then adds- "I spoke with your daughter about her mission trip to Africa. Tanzania is a great place . I am planning on doing medical mission soon. I will keep y'all in my thoughts July 11th-right?"

I stand there wowed, but not surprised that Happy Mouth can manipulate this in depth of a conversation while wearing a neck brace staring at the ceiling of an ambulance.

What can I say ---the girl got skills.