okay this post is politically incorrect
I'm just going to warn you from the start
Let me take you to a familiar scene in my home
perhaps in your home too
It could be 6:30 in the morning in a rush to school
it could be 11:30 at night after I have gone to be
a text in the middle of the day, or a request the moment they have laid eyes on me
it is the inevitable
"hey mom where is my_______________
or "hey mom do you have my______________
or my favorite "hey mom I need______________________
you can add whatever you want here in the blanks .
It really doesn't matter.
the need, item or request is immaterial
and just once - just one time
I am going to lose it
and say what I really want to
I have imagined this scenario in my mind several times
I refer to it as : (here comes the un PC part)
"Let me just pull that out of my butt" speech
(and depending on the intensity of the mood I may substitute a word or two)
Now you may be thinking "How trashy" but just here the speech
and then ponder how you can use it.
It goes a little like this;
Child 1, 2 or 3 (doesn't matter) says one of the above fill in the blank statements/questions
This being the 50th such utterance
I slowly turn around...................
Left eye twitching, lip curling a bit
Eyes ablaze with thrusting daggers
and I begin
"Why of course sweetheart Let me just pull this out of my butt.
I know exactly where your shirt, homework, shoes, keys, pen, curling iron, drink is.
It is right here - let me just pull it out of my butt
Can I get you something to eat even though I'm in the middle of cleaning up cat poop?
why of course darling , have a 3 course meal , ill just whip it up out of my butt
Whatever you need , whatever you lost I have it yes and in an instant too.
(I'm starting to sound like an infomercial!)
Whatever your desire, I have it here
let me just PULL IT OUT OF MY BUTT.
No wonder the dang thing is so big, its a storage area!
Okay , There I said it (at least on the blog)
at this point if I really did do this
My kids would look at me like I had lost it , and they wouldn't be far of.
Happy Mouth would only laugh at me and continue to state her requests.
Rollercoaster (who is about to be renamed -stay tuned) would just be mad
especially if I slipped and used a synonym.
and Forrest would just be grossed out.
But there you have it .
It has yet to happen
but when it does I'll let you know
I just post "Politically Incorrect"
and you'll know.