Buy A Mix

Today I am a bit inspired, thanks to a post from Simple Mom , that talked about creativity and not fearing failure, to share a story from when I was a new mom back in the day that taught me about both..

And coincidentally it is Thursday , so we will go with at Throwback!

When I was a new mom I had the "Syndrome".
 Not  postpartum-- much worse

I had the "I -am -going-to-be -the-best-mother-ever,
never-grow-tired-or-weary,
and always-be-in-love-with everything-I-do-for -my child! Syndrome

Veteran Mothers:  please feel free to gag when necessary.
Newbie: The best teacher is not experience , it is other peoples experiences. Take heed

This story is about 17 years old but it is fresh in my memory
and serves as a great reminder to
"never go there again"
when my judgement spins off.

I was so locked into the Syndrome that I couldn't even
see the headlights of the train wreck up ahead
 that was my inevitable meltdown.

My daughter Happy Mouth was in the 18-24 month old Mother's Day Out on T/TH.

It was the Spring Party and my first outside of the house event in weeks.
 (Adults I need adults)
The sign up sheet was decorated beautifully with hearts and roses and a cheery greeting of
"What can I bring?"  followed by suggestive items and a place to fill in your name.

The normal items were listed such as cheese blocks, cut up grapes, paper plates etc etc
and then at the bottom in all its shining glory I saw:

Volunteer ( I should have turned tail right here)
 to
Bring Your Best!!!
(any dish you wish!!!)

and you will never believe this ....
it was BLANK!!

How lucky could I be?
 I grabbed that purple gel pen hanging on the string and signed
my name proudly to the coveted empty space.

It was like I won the preschool volunteer lottery!!
 I wish at this point someone had just slapped me.

I need to mention that I never considered why the space was blank
or why I didn't actually have to elbow someone like
it was Black Friday at Tiffanys.
But  remember one of the symptoms of the Syndrome is Obliviousness.

So I kissed Happy Mouth goodbye and went off in exploration
of the finest confectionery concoction this side of the Mason Dixon.

Now hindsight is 20/20 because the foresight was a whopping 0/0.
At this point in life I have basically made eggs, a crockpot roast and....a cosmo.
Not necessarily in that order.

So whatever propelled me forward and took hold of my faculties in order to
 convince me that I could bake and decorate the
 Southern Living Award Winner of 19something or other
Baby Block Cake is still unknown to this day.

 But it took hold of me and it took me fiercely.


This is not the exact image ( I guess Google doesn't have images from before the everything you see can be uploaded era,) bu it's close .

Close to what it is supposed to look like, that is.

I bought the ingredients .
The ingredients that were way out of our budget.

Man- working- retail- while -putting- out resumes-
+ SAHM -saving- for- a- washing machine
  does not =
Let's buy Marzipan and real cocoa.

Oh well I like rice,
its what's for dinner (all week).

The next Thursday was the Spring Party.
 I was going to drop Happy Mouth off at MDO and dash ,
because that's what perky organized moms do -they dash,
 home to whip up this gorgeous cake.*

Now I have included an * here on purpose ,and I have a few *  moments to tell
(but that's another story).

The * here is to note that at this point I am no longer in focus
of a mama's true purpose.
 
Every woman at one time or another in her life subscribed to the BS
that being super mom or a better mom than so and so translates to successful mom.
 
It is  like getting flowers at home vs the office .
 Why would you bother to get them unless other women see them
and you get your bragging  rights of "My husband loves me so much"  moment?

You may think this shallow and you would be correct.
But every woman , aware or not, has been here at one time.
 If your one of those non-existent  rare women, we will never be friends then congratulations.

But this is a huge deceptive thinking and will rob you of immense joy and relaxation
as I am about to demonstrate.

Ahh humm where was I?

Oh yes.

  Impossible Recipe .

 Expensive Ingredients. 

Time Shortage

Now MDO is 9-2 ,but the party is at 12.
So I have less than 3 hours to bake, make and deliver this cake in all its glory.

WARNING: The following story may be unsuitable for well.....
                                just about anyone with a bladder.

STEP 1: CAKE 
I make the cake from scratch (Danger Will Robinson Danger!!)
There is so much measuring involved.
Teaspoon , Tablespoon   yeah  yeah yeah
 you say tomato-  I say tomato

STEP 2: FLAVORING
I add the flavoring to the cake.
Oh I bet just a little more will be even better!!
Did I mention I have never actually baked - just licked the spoons?

STEP 3:BAKE
Okay into the oven it goes.
Our dial is a little messed up.
 It keeps slipping off but we usually just pull out needle nose pliers.
Improvising is the key to life!!!
Okay cake in.

STEP 4: FROSTING
Frosting time!!
Butter,
Powdered sugar,
Food coloring-
What could go wrong?

Mixing with one beater (thank you garbage disposal)
A few extra drops of red for fun
and
WaaLaaa!!!

 I have hands that could star in a Friday the 13th movie.
Dang- oh well a quick bleach wash.

STEP 5: DECORATE
Marzipan time!
Molding,  shaping,  flattening and hand cutting out letters by hand.
Sounded reasonable at the time

STEP: 6 MINOR ER
All the suddenly hands are like
itchy and  ummm
on fire?

Could I be allergic to marzipan?
or could it be the bleach soaking i just took?

Okay hydro cortisone cream.
check
The timer rings.

STEP 7: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STEPS!!!
I open the oven door to ..........
a cold dark space with a pan of raw cake batter.

My hands are still itching and my left eye has a twitch in it.
I grab my pliers and switch that bitch to 450!!
"100 more degrees for lost minutes" I shout triumphantly!!
I am sure Martha has done that 1,000 times.

STEP 8: ABANDON ALL HOPE
I have forgotten to breath until the phone rings and startles me.
I spin around knocking over food coloring bowl #3: New Grass Green

"Damn!!! "  I snatch the phone: "Hell" (no I did not forget the o)
"Oh hey baby it's me (husband) you okay?"

Now I realize that he has no idea what I am doing but that
"Are you okay" question just sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

 It could have been the friction in my hands from constant rubbing pain
 but I went with- it was him.

STEP 9: PULL OUT IRRATIONAL ANONYMOUS CARD
"AM_-I- OKAY?"

"Yeah I was just seeing what you were doing?"

"WELL I AM BAKING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER"

"Oh that's right isn't the Spring thingy today?'

"THE SPRING THINGY?  WHY YES SWEETIE IT IS TODAY!"

"Hey its 11:00 when do you have to be there?

"ELeven ?? already  - I am slowly melting like the wicked witch of the west.

I cradle the phone in my hands , rocking back and forth, back and forth
back and forth.........

"Babe, are you there?"

"Yes" I stammer through quivering lips "I am still here - why  oh why am I ?"

"Honey - what time is Happy Mouth expecting you?"

STEP 10: GET YOUR POOP IN A GROUP
This jolts me into reality.
Happy Mouth is expecting  me
 cake or no cake.

I straighten remembering
that  I  cannot be conquered by mere  cake.

I come back to earth and answer
"Yeah you're right. Sweetie I need to let you go and get ready. Thanks"

The phone clicks.

I race to the bathroom brushing out as  much  flour from my hair as possible,
switch into a fresh shirt and brush my teeth.
I put Tupperware lids on the frosting,
 kick the jolly green one in the pantry
and pull out a slighlty burnted cooked warm cake.

Load it all in a laundry basket along with 2 spoons and a knife

and I dash  race like I'm at Daytona to MDO.

I arrive at 12:01  .
I take out the cake,  cut it in small chunks blocks ,
drizzle slap 3 different colors of frosting on it and bolt up the stairs.

I am not the first mom there but I'm
THE MOM Happy Mouth takes into her arms and flat out steals my whole heart.

We sing, We pray We eat.

I uncover my concoction, which basically looks like unicorn poop.
Happy Mouth and her preschool minions do they ""oooh"" "ahhh"

I'm smiling inside and out and I watch with delight as the kids dig into it
dyeing their lips and teeth dark shades of red, blue and orange.
 Much to th chagrin of a few I cant be friends with you  perfect mother types.

This also makes me put my head back and laugh.

The kids look beautiful and happy eating the unicorn poop cake!!!

I finally sit in a chair and my body unwinds as I laugh .

Two moms who are not threatened by my culinary skills sit near me.
  I share my crazy story with them.

They laugh with me and I
I ask them  "What did y'all bring?

One says " Napkins."
The other says " A bag of Chips"

We all stare at each other for a bit and then burst into fits of laughter.

The soft spoken kind one , who would later become my best friend, offers me this advice.

"I have 3 words for you if you ever feel the need to try to impress again " she says with authority

"Buy-A-Mix."

and so I have.......
























Extra thanks to a post at Simple Mom entitled Life After Art. So worth the read

3rd Time's a Charm

Today I have  taken my sweet middle child, Laid Back Jane to the airport for round 3 of Africa. 

 This will be her second time to go . Happy Mouth has too many responsibilities to head there this year.(AKA- get a little more of my payroll)  I know its hard for her.  She is taking 12 hours of summer school to get ahead on her sciences. She has decided to apply for nursing school , I am so very proud of her and  excited that she has a focus of her life.  God is good 

So today I drop Jane off at the airport again. 

Again I am not going nor have I  had the call to go. 

 I am still learning to not be a control freak and still learning to trust in God.

It is soo wonderful this great journey God has taken me through and I wish I had paid attention sooner but hey what can I say

The Lord loves a late bloomer!!

My part is here. Not just for Dig Deep Give Well , but for learning to trust and release my children into His hands ,where they belong.  I can't control everything that happens there. I can't control it even if I was there, but I would try and  I do believe that I would be a hinderance to the relationship

 of her and God. At least at this moment in time.

Now I am her mama and I should be a leader for her to God, right?  And I have been.

 In ways purposeful , in good ways , in not so good ways.

 But God has been faithful in all ways.

I have struggled  with fear for a long time. Some with reason and rationality and some unfounded and imagined.

But God has always answers with love.

Love and guidance when I obeyed and trusted and love when I flat out rejected, disobeyed, closed my eyes and blew it in the greatest sense.

He still answered with love.

I have finally come to a point where I accept my growth path.

I don't compare it

I don't regret it

I just embrace it, because God id  the guider.

He never leaves the position of leader and  Shepard even when His little ADD mama sheep takes a detour

I simply do not want to fear anymore.

I can choose. 

I can choose over my feelings, over my automated responses, over the responses of those around me and most importantly

over the voices of fear either from within or without.

I can choose.

And here is the weird thing ,I used to joke and  half heartedly believe that 

"90 percent of what you worry about never happens , so it must be working."

I laughed at a quote I  heard recently form a show called The Middle. The mom stated after her husband told her worrying didn't actually "do" anything to the situation, that " Yes yes it does . It shows God you are paying attention."

This would be a conversation that Mr Rodgers and I could have had a few times. But when I stop laughing and realize  I do not live in a sitcom (although some days we could have the top ratings)

  

I live in a fallen world with a soul sold out to God. 

I can not stand on a bridge over a chasm between fear and faith.

 That is a dying spot and a slow death at that.

Not only do I not want to be afraid anymore. I want  faith and love  as replacement.

I want to be perfectly loved.

 Perfect love drives out fear.  

God is the only perfect love and to not fear I need to understand that -

 and even if I don't I need to accept this perfect love He has for me.

  Then and only then will be made fearless. 

So it has come to a halt here and now.

God asked me do you want to be afraid? 

Now doesn't that seem like a silly question ?

Who would choose to be afraid? And yet I have . We all have.

 It may be a choice by default  but it is a choice none the less.

Now I  must have some where wanted to be fearful,  as if it  was insurance against bad things happening or could prevent something.

   Ridiculous and also it gives power to the  force of fear.

This realization is quite shocking  but true. 

I do not want to feed that beast, and and I do not want to feed from it

So I pray  for perfect love the love that comes down form God alone Who is the giver of all good gifts.  And isn't that what He wants to do - love us ? 

 I am going to receive perfect love and it is going to drive out fear. 

Because will not God surely give me the love He longs to give when I ask for it?

He will not give me perfection or a perfect life. 

I will have trouble.

 I will have challenges, pain, and hard days. 

In fact I may have more of such simply because I am His.

 No  He didn't promise perfection. 

Only He is that.

 He promises to never leave nor forsake me. to guide me all of my days.

 He and only He has perfect love. 

 No spouse, no child only He and He alone loves perfectly.

 I want that perfect love-- I want to be loved perfectly 

I have to be loved  perfectly if I am to love anyone well.

 I choose to accept this perfect love and  fear is simply not His plan for me .

 Does it mean that I now instantly don't fear? 

 Baahhaaaa yeah okay. 

Put down the hallucinogenics . 

 It means that His plan for me is to love me perfectly and that love drives out  fear. 

Who am I to argue with God?

When I fear I can ask and I will receive His perfect love

 and He will work on me and my fear because He loves me. 

 I choose to believe this and I hope you will too because it is a Perfect set up,

 Choose His perfect love over choosing fear --

 see what happens 

 Now that is a perfect plan.

HOPE

I live in a small town in southern Alabama. 
North of us about 4 hours is another small town,it has a population of about 2,300.
 And by now many of you have heard of it because as you will hear it had a tragedy.

A young boy named Ethan was taken hostage by an evil mad man
and held in an underground bunker for 7 days,

Yes this is the news- the media you will hear.

But that small town , those faithful FBI,
sheriff, and police and
one trusting brave mama heard something else.

                                


One news source reported "She knew there was but one option for the way this would end."
A sheriff remarked "How very brave she was and never thought her little boy wouldn't be okay"

How can this women manage that? I think I would have to be medicated heavily.

How do negotiators stay calm?
How do towns people kneel fervently in prayer hour after hour?

How do scores and scores of meals get prepared and offered with open hands to strangers?

How do men stay awake day after day and function?

How does a little boy rest outside the arms of his mother?

Hope upon Hope

.

 This  is how.



In my wrestling with this horrible thing,
I wondered how that mama wrestled.
How I would want to take my child place
Offer myself up for the ransom
Make the trade
Release my child
I will take whatever you dish out... pay whatever price you require

Only release my child.

in my anxiety over this situation, me a stranger to this town , this family
my anxiety minuscule compared to theirs
I am restless
           I yearn
                  I plead for
                                God  to intervene

I am lead to this verse in Isaiah 49:25

For this is what the Lord says:
"Even the captives of the mighty man will be taken, and the prey of the tyrant delivered; I will contend with those who contend with you , and I will save your children."

I have been brought to this verse 2 other very intentional times in my life by God.
Once many, many years ago before I even had children.

For  a man named Mike Durant.
I remember his name because it its written in my Bible.
I never met him, spoke to him, wrote to him....nothing.

He was a young soldier captured during the Gulf War and made a sport of by his captors.
Tortured,
           humiliated
                     intimidated.

My soul was so distraught for this young man (probably close to my age at the time)

I came across Isaiah49:24

 "Can plunder be taken from the warriors or captives rescued from the fierce?"

Doesn't this question run through our minds?
I wondered it for Mike Durant at the time.
Didn't Ethan's mama ponder this in her heart?

We all wonder and question. And God know this

Thisverse in the  form of question is for us.

 But it is not left unattended

He answers :
For this is what the LORD says:

YES
Captives will be taken from warriors, and plunder retrieved form the fierce;

Does he not he let us know it is HE who answers?
and then comes His answer :YES
Yes they can.

And then He gives us more to our aching hearts and questioning minds:

"I will contend with those who contend with you
and your children I will save."

Now that is a "I  got your back" statement , if there ever was.


We are assured
of His care
of His ability
of HIM.

I prayed these scriptures over Mike Durant and others as situations arose and the Holy Spirit prompted me.

I was reminded of these verses of Hope when I heard about Ethan.

Are they a guarantee?
 They are--but not of my will and plans
but of His.
Sometime this side of eternity it doesn't work out the way we want or pray for it.
We are but one sid eof the tapestry of our lives.

So I continue to Hope
and
I am wholly convinced of this:

That nothing is withheld from God's hand that is His.
His children are not captives - they are free and clear His.
HE paid that price
HE took that ransom
HE exchanged Himself
for our release.

His ways are always more and further and deeper than I can know in  this life

So what if things don't always go our way.
If we do not see earthly release as in Mike Durant and Ethan's case?

Do we give up , doubt , throw away our hope?

We might want to
Most likely feel like it.

To throw away Hope is to kill ones own soul by ones own choice.

Can a mother ever stop hoping for her child?
For their release?
From a physical captor
or drugs
or abuse
or depression
or pain
or sin?

The ultimate parent never gives up Hope-ever.

And their is only one most incredible ultimate parent-

Your Father

Place All Hope Always in Him

His Hope is always there--
demonstrative on the cross and wooing you minute by minute to take the great exchange.

Never forcing
                  but offering
                                    for He never cease to Hope for you.

Failure to Love

Today I am just going to write.
I struggle with what to write or how I come across at times .
 But none of that has any truth or any positive bearing on what is real in my life.

I have a million funny stories about my kids that I should have blogged about right when they happened.
But I didn't so I will probably have a few retro funnies coming this way.

But today my soul is heavy.

Heavy with truth. And that can be painful.

The truth of the matter is I am growing indifferent to many things.

The other ugly truth is I am realizing that I have been asleep.

I am tired. Tired of Christianity  .... as I know it.

And yet for a long time I contributed to the program.

I want my family saved.
 I don't want God to be angry with me .
I want my children to go to heaven.

and my biggest struggle....

I do not want God to be disappointed  in me.

That hurts to even write.
 But it pains with  raw scraped clean truth.

I have long looked at my relationship with God as list.

Guilt and sorrow over a sin :  Check
Acknowledgement of my need for Him: Check
Confession:  Check
Plan to do better: Check

or this scenario

Tell kids how loved they are by God: Check
Pray with them: Check
Baptism and church:  Check

but list are made for finishing.

And I don't want to be finished with God.

This can't be all .
That list that comes back around with the mountains and valleys in life.

I have a lot of other ugly doubts, fears and finger pointing lurking in the chasm of my heart.

Ashamed of them
 but if I don't say they are there will I ever really be free of them?

And this is what I want to be FREE of it...the way I see it , the way I have made it

I want to know the Real God and his Real Love for me , not the way I made it

And while I may have bought into it as  that way  am I not  also guilty of Wanting it that way ?

Ouch!! Someone please hand me another band-aid.

Doing Doing Doing  because You Should Should Should

and I don't hate every minute of it .
 I want to  love on others and
I want to obey God
and I am 44 I should have this squared away by now for crying our loud shouldn't  I?

Ahhh... there is that stinkin' thinkin' that got me here in the first place.

Key phrase here "I" -
I should have it together
I should have
no doubts
no fears
I should
show God I got this.
       
Oh  my....
I should shut up now.

At this point I don't know if I should laugh hysterically
or shudder and duck for cover.

Either way this lets me know I "don't got this"
and I nor anyone else ever will or can

not without

HIM.

Not church, Not religion, Not good works

HIM

Early in my parenting I struggled with being the godly mother who has godly children.
I was a bi-polar spiritual maniac of a woman.

Always wanting to do it all right , never giving myself time
or grace
or space.

Just stuffing it all down and then vomiting it all up--
all over the very ones I love the most
and spewing anything but the Tender Love of Jesus.

During these disappointing and depressing times in myself.
I came to know a fact.
I have love that fails.


 But this raw truth came as sweet  relief to me
Because I was tired ... oh so worn

It came on clear that :

No I cant love unfailingly.
I try
I study to
I want to
but I can't

Now you may be thinking " Well , isn't this the - feel good- thought of the year"

I mean how sad is it for a mother to need help to love her children?
To be kind and sacrificial?
What kind of sick mama is that?
and to those thoughts I say
"Hit the road Satan"

That mentality of "No one loves them like I do" is false and controlling.

GOD loves them more than we ever could
and we are not  to be everything to them.

 He is..

He just loves us more than anyone else ever can so He gave us the privilege to love His children with Him.

Let's say that out loud:

God loves me more than anyone else ever can and He gave me the privilege of loving and caring for His  children.


this truth released a reality in me that changed things for me.

UNFAILING LOVE IS ONLY FROM GOD

everytime the phrase "unfailing love" is used in the Bible it is attached to God's name  or attributed to His actions.

So here comes the epiphany:

If I have imperfect failing love
and
He has perfect, unfailing love

Then why don't I ask to love like He loves?

I'm cocking my head to the side as I recall this moment
still doing the "Aaaha"" moment
because I forget.

So because of my SSM (short spiritual memory)
let's review:

My Surrendered Love + His Amazing Love= The Living Love

The living of His  love to and through me.

Get honest:

I can't do it Lord.
The fact is sometimes I struggle to believe You love me.

 I  look at myself and I think " I'm not loving that "
 Heck, I wish I could go on vacation from myself sometimes

Get help:

But your ways are not my ways and your thoughts are not my thoughts.
(Exhale.........panic averted.)

Get Healed:

So I ask you God, the giver of all good gifts,
 please love me and let me love others
especially those you have entrusted me with,
as You and only You do.

and this list has no end because just like the shampoo bottle suggest:

you will rinse out (sometimes through tears)
and repeat.

May your memory be strong to remember when you are weary
and your pain be profitable as He unfailing loves us.



                        

We made it through December ( Is that a song title?)
In one family unit no less.

It was so good to have Happy Mouth home.
I have really missed her but it has been good for both of us.
I have not been faithful to keep up with writing and I really miss it .

I have go to figure out how to make some retro post from all
the loving funny we have around here.

Christmas was low key with visits from both sides of the family.
Family is always really good at offending offering you their "best" advice?
Ever notice that?
They mean well because obviously we need their well intended  leading off of the
 "your heart-is-in-the-right-place-but -no-well-thought-out-plan" that we are on.

Take the private school issue for instance.
We get the usual comments about

"I went to public school- you went to public school- it was good enough"
(I don't remember saying it wasn't.)
or the ever favorite of
"Everyone there is rich , what do you think she will have in common with them?"
and
"What about the other kids , they didn't go to private school."

"Are you going to be able to provide the same for the younger ones?"

and
BLAH

BLAH

BLAH.

Umm.. does anyone notice that we are in our 40's?
And do you not think we havenot thought this through,
prayed about it,
run -  the - math-(like 70 times)?

We knew it was a chunk and we knew we had to have everyone on board.
The girls have to take on more housework and meal planning now that I am working.

Mr. Rodgers is rearranging time to get people where they need to be
and Rollercoaster is thriving . I mean loving it.
So much so that she shall be renamed according to her new personality
 (yeah the hormone levels have flatlined!!!)

She shall be known henceforth as Laid Back Jane. (Jane) for short.

We didn't move her necessarily because our school was dangerous,
or she was bullied or that our district was academically failing.

I never thought I would have a child in private school.
Too much money, too snotty, too restrictive.
Yes ,I had those lovely stereotypical thoughts.

We looked into it and made the decision because of one reason:
                                        she asked .

Her words were:

"I'm just over high school, I don't care who is dating who, who is mad at who. I don't see the point in all the social boundaries and gossip.  I want to figure out where my life is going and be around other people who are interested in the same. Can we please start looking for other options?"

This type of declaration will make a mama look up from the brownie batter and take notice.

So we shopped around and found a good fit.
 As a sophomore she had 3 visits with the college counselor in the first semester. She made a 100 on her first AP European History all essay test and has written for the school newspaper.
Yeah I think I'm starting to get my money's worth.

And the best thing is she loves it: Loves the learning, the challenge, the atmosphere.

This is not to start a public vs. private debate.

Happy Mouth graduated form public school and Forrest is currently attending a public middle school.
Both have done well and we are happy.

Rollercoaster  Laid Back Jane has always been an old soul.
 Full of empathy. kindness and direction.
 I wish I had the focus and decision making abilities she does.

 She is 16 and could pass for 30 on the maturity scale and yet she still possesses a child like playfulness.
Like when she tries to headlock her dad or she is fangirling (that's a thing) about 1 direction.

Every dime I make goes to her school.
 I am blessed to be able to work, to have this job and to give her the option.
 I am blessed to be Laid Back Jane's mama.
 
We don't know what the future holds.
We evaluate and pray for direction in each situation as we face each new year.
We could make a mistake (hello I am human) but we count on God to care for us and each other to work through it all.
A little support and trust would  be welcome.

But if  it comes or not I have learned  two things:

1. Unless it is  heroine or murder it is best not to guide others on a family decision unless asked.
2. Cookie Cutter families are boring-and we will have none of that!

Back in the Blog

I am looking at my blog and the last time I posted was in April!!!!
  I am so bad  about stuff.
In my defense we do have a dinosaur of a computer that we restart at least 4 times a day.
I wish it would just spontaneously combust.  We cannot afford a new one.

In fact we cant afford anything.
We look so good on paper, we really do.
I really have no reason to complain just be concerned.
We are investing over half of our income per month in our children's education.
I'm banking on it paying off.

Happy Mouth is in college (and in love-much more to come on that)
Rollercoaster (who is getting a new name) is in private school
and Forrest is receiving private tutoring for some struggles.
And I am eating cardboard as a meal replacement plan......

I am grateful that we are able to do these things.
There was very little assistance (if any) for college.
Someone at the University of Alabama is definitely making "BANK" (so the new phrase according to Rollercoaster)

Private school was NOT on the books or the budget, but was a well reasoned request by Rollercoaster. And she is thriving.
Academically, Spiritually, Socially.
  It was a gamble and it is paying off
But the house always gets paid, so I am working two jobs.

Forrest needs some instruction and I feel we have found the right place-
 but its not the free place.
 Prostitution's not an option-- but neither is failure..
so  I am going to have to get creative on finances

The good new is I have a great computer at work
So lunch hour is looking like blog hour.. and hopefully some regular blogging.

After all our lives are too funny and when I'm old and senile I want to read about this great family that loved each other a whole lot , loved God and laughed often.

The days of my life

I'm feeling sassy, so I am delving into an area I normally don't
(except for the occasional let's debate with my DC cuz-but that's another story)

Politics.

I am not about to shove anything down your throat or even directly express my opinion
I'm just going to tell you about "a day in my life"

In the past 24 hours I have done a few things

In the house:

I have made dinner, breakfast and lunch
 cleaned up a kitchen, swept 3 floors
Done 4 loads of laundry -all put up I might add
Shocked the pool, fed the cats, cleaned out my car
watered flowers

In my office:

I have called on a family member,
 checked my email,
 texted answers to emergency ?'s :
 is my blue shirt clean?,
can I have $5.00,
can you check me out I am so bored!!
what is for dinner?

you know the text that make me so glad I gave them phones

I have
signed permission slips
returned phone calls from schools,

I made financial decision:

booked a dorm room for my graduate
Looked at comforter sets,
started a to buy and budget for college
lowered the spending cash
planned meals and grocery budget
opened mail and gone over bills

and I have done a few more things too

Attended a board meeting
Made decision on a non profit endeavour
Delivered items to schools
Purchased water for fundraisers
Driven children to school and back

I have also done some things that don't really fit on a list but have great value when done over and over

I have watched my child do a first time thing at school- and excited to see her get out of bounds with herself. 
She was on the announcement!!  CNN will call any day!

I have nursed a headache from another child

Aided in homework and discussed plans for the future with another child

I have been busy raising children, sweet children I love

I have also gotten grouchy with my spouse (imagine....)
Held my tongue ( I surely have almost bitten it off) and gone through the cycle of
conviction and forgiveness

That takes lots of energy-believe me

I have taken my multi vitamins, ran 3 miles, and tried a new smoothie drink
I have read my Bible, read a chapter of a book, and called my mother

So what is the big deal about all this work, you say?

Okay here is the punch line:  I wasn't paid
not a red cent, no compensation package,
no tangible perks like a Vegas weekend  or a car allowance

I don't expect any of that .
 Knew it wasn't part of the deal.
I am good with that.

But you see this is one day of my life
The day with all that WORK in it and it is only 4 o'clock

So.......... what does this mean?

According to the latest political statements, this makes me "Ann Romney",

My life is filled with days "I never worked " in my life

and guess what I'm good with that too.

Told you I was feeling sassy!