How to suffer well

It is a Good Friday, Indeed. This morning I was a bit umm... unawake. Have any

 of you caught on to the fact that I’m not really a morning chick? Anyway since 

it was taking me a while to get it together, I decide to sip coffee a bit longer and 

read a devotional in my inbox from Sheloves.


 It spoke of heaving our burdens on to the Cross. The author was writing from 

an abandon concentration camp, where there were unimaginable burdens. One 

sentence in particular caught my attention. She wrote " And even here , in my 

own life , when I don’t suffer well, and I don’t give thanks.. This place is 

marked by His holy fire too."  That phrase “suffer well” stayed with me. 
No one wants to suffer. 

Yet it’s inevitable if you’re a believer or not. Everyone has a certain amount of suffering in life. As believers we can actually expect a certain amount of suffering just because we choose Jesus. We are also called to enter into someone else’s suffering. I know crazy right? But true. "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2 There are times when you are not suffering and entering the suffering of someone else can ease theirs. This is how Jesus lived. He didn’t offer advice and walk away. He didn’t give you “the answer” and arrogantly walk off hoping you’d get “right” with God. No He showed you.  He came and entered our suffering. Stepped down form heaven’s throne to hang out with the sinning, stinky, obstinate people of earth. He lived and walked among this imperfect world. He experienced temptation and physical pain. He got tired, He had his heart broken, and He was hungry, dirty and homeless. And in all this He loved by demonstration. He entered into our life and loved us.  And he didn’t leave it there.  

He decided He loved us so much that He wanted to be together with us always. In order to do that He had to enter a suffering and carry a burden that as meant for us. He didn’t just share it, He took that whole mess. We may experience pain and suffering here on earth in which He shares that suffering with us, alongside us.  He is present. But the suffering of the Cross paid our guilt and the price for our sins, all of them. We are not going to share that burden. We are going to be exempt from it because He took it ALL, all by Himself. He didn’t just enter into our suffering, He opted us out. There is no merger or buy out in the history of humanity that is that good.With that Good News, with that freedom we can freely enter into another’s suffering as so fulfill the law of Christ. As we have been loved, let us so love. 

We have some friends that our middle daughter babysits for that have a child with leukemia. Those two words in the same sentence child and leukemia give me shudders just like they do you. But this family is a shining example of how to “suffer well”. They have chosen the route of giving all trust to God. They refuse to have anything but life spoken over them. They ask for prayers and extend the privilege of entering into their suffering to watch God act. You can follow their story on Facebook at Warrior Shepard.  

One Grateful Year: The 30 for 30 Plan

One Grateful Year: The 30 for 30 Plan: It is almost April! It time to demand SPRING!! Many of us will take on the big "Spring Clean" We are ready to shake...

One Grateful Year: The 30 for 30 Plan

One Grateful Year: The 30 for 30 Plan: It is almost April! It time to demand SPRING!! Many of us will take on the big "Spring Clean" We are ready to shake...

Not Right, Just Real

In the Jewish Talmud there is a reference that states  “greater than one who does mitzvah, is one who causes others to do mitzvah"

Mitzvah

 

In Luke 17 Jesus talks about sin coming into the world but woe to the man whom they come.

He goes on to say  that it would be better for a milstone to be hung around the neck

and drown in  the sea than to cause one of these little ones to sin. 

This scares me  -

For any teacher, mother, father, or mentor this is scary --they are watching you – 

they want to be like you ,

you have a rare window of opportunity to shape, mold, teach, preach and

have a trusting relationship with your children and then its gone. 

Then in verse 3 Jesus says “Pay attention to yourselves”- this is self introspection –

 

I wonder if we could review a video tape of ourselves at the end of everyday with our key moment’s in it

Would we like what we see?

Would we be pleased with  how our children reacted to what we said and did?

Would we be pleased?  or Horrified? 

Probably a mix of both.

I know I wish I would have slowed down to SEE

Our behavior and poor choices can cause another to accept

our sin as okay and  then follow suit.  

In equal measure  our good choices or our “mitzvah” can cause others to do well.

 

We can inspire rather than degrade

We can encourage rather discourage

We can be light and not darkness.

But either way we pay it forward,

plant something somewhere in each other with every action and choice.

 

It can be overwhelming yet

This isn’t about doing it “right” -it’s about doing it real.

We are thinking, wonderfully ,fearfully created beings by an all knowing and all loving God.  

We can as Jesus says “Pay attention to ourselves,"

Not in pride or self absorption but in SEEING ---

Pay attention to what you say, what you do.

And prior to doing that it is advisable to pay attention to what you hear,

what you look at,

what you read,

what you allow to get into your soul via your time, schedule, money and environment

 

The old adage garbage in, garbage out has been proven over and over.

And to that we might add garbage picked up.

 

Feed yourself with trash, vomit that trash up and watch others pick it up and make it their own.

But the opposite is also true

 

Feed yourself with goodness, and give goodness to others

and they will pick it up and make it their own, and they will give it away.

And light will give light

 

While Mitzvah means commandment it  has a secondary meaning of doing  acts of human kindness.

 

Want to be great?  Give kindness.

Want to be greater? Be one who causes others to be kind.

Isn’t that how God starts with us?

 

He is kind, so kind.

His loving kindness has no bounds.

He, the greatest of all, gives us His kindness and when we receive it we are kind to others.

 

May I add here to also be kind to yourself...

Self loathing and guilt have no place in forwarding the gift of kindness you have been given. (but that’s another story for another day) 

You do not have to earn God’s kindness over and over.

He just gives it to you – moment after moment

 

May we do the same with others, because we are His.

Don’t make people earn your kindness,

don’t let your circumstances dictate weather kindness makes and appearance or not. 

 

God is kind to you –

 You be kind to you

 You be kind to others,

 So kind that you cause others to do mitzvah too.

LOVE is spelled TIME

I do not like to be bored. 

"Idle hands are the devils workshop."

"Necessity is the mother of invention."

These two proverbs have proven their wisdom time and again.

I have been both the criminal and the genius with my time.

I like to get stuff done. I do. I’m a huge list maker. 

It helps me get my thoughts in order and I like the feeling

 I get when I cross and item off!!

 Yeah accomplishments!!

But in my pursuit of conquering said list I get tunnelvisioned  into tackling the tasks, 

and before I know it I missed life in real time. 

What will fill my time?

Wanting so badly to get the dishwasher unloaded I dismissed a little one who wanted to help mama.

Wanting it done just so that I lost the opportunity to make a new friend.

Crossing it all off only to look up and see the day has passed me by.

Trying to get to a state of “doneness” so I could get on with life bit me in the bum. 

Because, life, REAL LIFE, was happening all around me .

important times

 The items on any daily list should  be worked into the main event, not be the main event.

How often are we guilty of the reversal?  Working our families, our marriages, our friendships into sidebars as we plow through our “to do’s”.

crazy time

time well spent

Time’s ticking can neither be slowed nor halted, but it can be gathered.

Gathered into poignant moments that lead to precious memories.

Even in the midst of our daily deeds.

Don’t let time tick away without purpose.

Take back your time from meaningless tasks,

mindless entertainment and unproductive thoughts.

Refuse to have an attitude of tackling time because you might just get sacked.

I wrote a bunch of stuff yesterday  on thinking, 

and  before you get preconceived notions

That I’m some kind of  “think good –good always happens”

or some name it and claim it theology.

Let me be clear about my process. 

Any thought worth thinking has to meet certain criteria for me.

So you might want to think on that a bit.

What standards are you  going to set for your  thinking?

You get to decide

You get to be the gatekeeper to the door of your mind.

That is a gift.

Use it wisely.

For me the standards of my mind have to meet 3 criteria:

1. It must be true
2. It must be positive
3. It has to teach me.

 For a thought to be  true some would say is subjective.

So pick your subject of truth.

I am lover of God and follower of Jesus.

Every word that God has spoken is true.

If the thoughts about the situation don’t match God's  thoughts

They shouldn't make it into my thoughts.

Can we really just decide not to think our way

and trust His even when there seems  to be no visible evidence to do so?

⁷ Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.’

Isaiah 55 says yes.

You can forsake your own thoughts!!

 Yeah this is good news!

I can reject that thought of popping my child’s head off like a Pez dispenser

when she rolls her eyes at me.

 Or the random thought of

“Why are we married?’ when my husbands tracks mud

 all over the newly mopped floor.

Yes this is good news indeed!!  For all concerned.

( And if your concerned that in the above scripture You would be the unrighteous,

just get over it – because that’s all of us)

At the very least even if the thought made it into the foyer of my mind-

the brakes of forsaking were applied and it never became cemented in the basement,

( which by the way is next to the front door of the mouth- more on that later.)

So today’s assignment: FORSAKE AWAY

Don’t want that thought- Forsake it

Untrue thought  coming your way -Forsake it

If you live in Jersey – Forget About it

You see my point.

You do not have to entertain every thought that comes into your mental realm

Weather you thought it , read it , or heard it. You get to decide weather or not to keep it

 Take it from a person with OCD this is a huge.

 Hard but Huge.

According to Webster forsake means to renounce or turn away form entirely.

 Another definition is to abandon. 

That doesn't leave ANY wiggle room to keep that thought hanging around in the back of your mind.

This isn't a stiff upper lip thing.

I’ll  make the best of it.

I’ll just  keep this dung heap of a thought but put a glittery bow on it.

NO its got to go.

Abandon it

Forsake it and Forge ahead.

Because there are better thoughts to think.

I've Been Thinking

I have been thinking lately a lot about thinking.

  It seems everywhere I turn I am receiving messages about thinking.

 Messages of hope and encouragement.

And messages of rebuke and action. 

 I have OCD and I suspect a touch of ADD,

ask any friend of mine they will whole heartedly affirm this! J

And at the risk of sounding prideful or crazy

I have at one time or another thought I could be a genius or a lunatic.

See I have the gift/curse of being able to have two or more thoughts at once.

 Not just half a thought or scattered thoughts but complete thoughts at the same time.

No there are no audible voices or multiple personalities (that’s just my hormones).

And at times it’s great I am free flowing with creativity.

I can’t write an idea fast enough or get my hands on something as quick as possible.

 I often can not express a thought without stuttering because I’m already onto the next one. Other times it is just maddening.

 Especially when the thoughts are negative, uncomfortable and untrue. 

You know which ones.

 We have all had them .

 Insecure thoughts.

Unkind thoughts.

Fearful thoughts.

 And when those thoughts run wild and pile one on top of another I just want to scream . It is a mental wrestling match.

And at that point taking a nap is my best ally. 

I literally want to be unconscious and NOT THINK.

  Maybe this is a reason why some turn to the bottle or the drug or anything else that deconstructs them as a person.

I can see the temptation for escape.

 I just nap and while its not heroine.

 Its still an idol.

Sleep helps my exhausted mind-

heck if my body would workout as much as my mind

I would be the best paid supermodel and most decorated Olympian all in one.

So  I want to begin a series on the topic of thinking.

Since not thinking is not an option ( and who really wants that option anyway)

  Logically (there goes that thinking again) it makes sense to deal with the content of thinking and the control we have been given over that.

What shapes our thinking?

 Why do we think the way we do and should we?

Why do we think a certain way and why do we continue to do so?

Can I change my thinking?

 And what will that look like in my life?

The answer to the last questions I have  answers in the form of a proverb

As a man (women) thinks, so he is.

Prov 23:7

Let’s paraphrase this for ourselves

As a woman thinks, so she is.

Let’s personalize this

As I think, so I am,

As you think, so you are

Now put your name here

As_______thinks, so she is.

Yes lets get started thinking ourselves into who we are.

If your not there yet, no problem.

You are about to think yourself into who you want to be.

Critters

A throwback Thursday

The sun is just beginning to peak over the trees this morning of our big mountain trip.

It seems like we have been planning this forever.

 This is our first grown up all-by-ourselves vacation

(Minus the weekend get away at camp) since we have been married.

Once every 14 years I say!!

We are not taking relatives.

We are not visiting relatives. 

We are just traveling just the 5 of us to an adventure through the smoky mountains.

Going to sleep in a real live hotel!!! Whoo hoo!!

Now some of you may be thinking this is way overdue

Yes… Yes  it is. But it was either this or the bills that had to be overdue.

So bills are paid and we are off.

It is possible we will be close to broke,

as in no liquid assists for a while,

when we get home but we will be mountainside!!!

And by that I mean we may have to become

 mountaineers and live off the land as we drain the savings.

But in the words of Scarlett O Hara:

 “Ill worry about that tomorrow (or next month)

At 5 a.m. the alarm went off and our oldest was already up and ready to fly out the door. 

I on the other hand was just stumbling to the kitchen to the coffee pot.

Thank goodness Marc had set it all up the night before

 and all I had to do was push a button.

Some of my worst mornings have come when Marc fails

 to complete this step as part of his nightly routine

In this event I usually find myself fiddling with the filters,

and trying not to have a heart attack as the grinder pulverizes the beans into dust.

 Then I half  hazardly pour the water into a two inch opening while my left eye attempts to twitch open.

As I stare into space awaiting the 3 beeps

that signal caffeine completion my pulse begins to recover from

the bean mutilation machine

I am still in such a state of confusion that I fail

 to notice the enormity of coffee grounds in my coffee cup.

But as I sip my already prepped coffee this morning

 I am somewhat perky and excited about our road trip.

  I hear a slight stirring in the next room and

 I assume it is Mr. Rodgers and go to greet him.

However it is not Mr. Rodgers

It is in fact the largest horsefly in North America.

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing a southern horsefly you are blessed.

I believe they are the Alabamian curse for participation in the confederacy.

They arrive every May and the BITE

The only relief comes when the dragonflies swoon in 3 weeks later to devour the beasts.

Ahhhh circle of life.

The only thing worse I have ever experienced came in the summer of 2000

when the 17 year locusts came out in literal Biblical proportions. 

But that’s another story.

I guess each region has its own quirks. 

Once Mr. Rodgers came back from South Carolina

 with his legs all bitten up from some critter.

“What in the world got you “I asked?

“I don’t know I never saw them”

“Excuse me?’

“Really, I asked the local boys what the heck was making me itch so badly because I couldn’t see them.’

“They all replied ‘We know and they will eat you up.’”

I told them “I obviously knew that but what –are-they-called?”(Silly south Carloiners)

They said “Noseeums”

Now wanting to engage in intellectual dialogue at all times

and being blonder than I pay to be I replied:

“Oh is that Lithuanian?”

My husband just shook his head very slowly and said

“They are called “NO-SEE-UMS” because you don’t see um!!”

Oh got it.

Gotta love local flavor.

  Wonder what lexical wonders we will encounter in the mountains?”

What do you have from your neck of the woods?

Provide definitions please!!

The Spectrum of Joy

Living in Estrogenville is always eventful. 

All three of my girls are different from one another. 

They look different and they all have drastically different personalities.

Their reactions are vastly different.

Take for instance a simple remark made at separate occasions 

to Happy Mouth (who will be receiving a new alias soon), 

Laid Back Jane and Forrest.  

Something as simple as " Have you finished your chores?' 

 can be met will a spectrum of (over)reactions.

Of course there is the all time favorite of "Yes, Moooom" 

accompanied by an eye roll. 

But this doesn't happen too often 

since eye roll=hard labor. 

 Really any body language offense will land you in the pool of 

"Mom's least favorite chores are now yours."   

One year Happy Mouth was unable to control herself so much that

 I had the cleanest kitchen on the Eastern Shore; all the way down to the grout.

Seriously it was bad.

Friends would call and ask me to send her their way 

when she met her quota at my house .

Other times a reaction of "Yes ma'am"  comes and not only was respect shown

 but the chore was actually done well. 

 These are fun ,fun, times . 

Rare but fun.

Then there is the high octane estrogen response.

 It goes something like this:

"Uggh" (no eye roll here because they are shut tight)

" I can' t believe all you care about is chores, when my entire existence is at stake. 

I mean my whole life is about to implode!! And do you care at all?'

Now over the years I have learned that this response is designed to distract. 

And while I have fallen for it before ,

 my years of training have now made me a Master Rebound Reactor.

I know just respond to this drama with a cool

" You are fine and unless you would actually like me to rip

 your world apart by the seams I suggest you get your tail in motion ."

They usually just stare at me

 like I am the most compassion-less human 

that ever existed , and do their chores.

I' m good with that.

So when I say something that really is fun and good news 

that I think should have a typical reaction of oh.....

I don't know say --JOY  

and am met 

with a schizophrenia of reactions,

 I am once again

reminded that parenting is not for the weak.

Me:  "Girls let's check out early today and take your Daddy to lunch

. Won't that be fun"

 Note here:

In my mind it was supposed to be all Little House on the Prarieish.

 

Happy Mouth(age 15) " Why do we have to check out?

 Let's take the whole day and go shopping ...um..

for Dad, I mean."  

 Her eyes are in backpedaling mode at this point

Laid Back Jane (Formerly Rollercoaster at this age of 12):

" I can't check out. Do you know how much homework I will have? 

We are reading and taking a quiz on Despereaux today!! 

What are you thinking?"

The look of horror on her face is equivalent to that of watching a kitten being beaten.

Forrest (8):  " I bet Dad wants us to bring Sissy and my turtle too."

She has a gum drop stuck to the front of her jumper

 and I swear I saw her backpack move just a little.

Then the three of them start talking all at once,

 each of their own dialogue 

and slowly my mind

just hears the teacher from The Peanuts cartoon:

"Wha -wha wha" 

"Wha-wha wha-wha"

"Whaaaaaa-waaa-wa!!"

Finally I am drawn back to reality as they are all saying "Mama"

ME: "Yes well okay ," 

 "I think today your dad has a lot to do 

so just finish up your lunches because you are going to school today"

Happy Mouth: "Great way to go!" )

(pointing at  Rollercoaster) Now we gotta go to school!"

Rollercoaster: "YES!!!!"  (multiple fist pumps)

Forrest:  (She already has the dog on a leash)

" Okay , Sissy and I are ready!"

Everyone went to school .

 I, however , went to lunch with Mr. Rodgers.

 

It was Joyful indeed!!

  

Tools of the Trade

As many know my family and I volunteer with a non profit that provides clean water to people in rural Tanzania. Both my older girls have been to Tanzania twice

. As it just so happens I work at a drilling company .

 Now we were into the giving of wells long before I ever got this job.

 And I am basically a paper pusher here , 

so its not like I'm  learning to drill or 

getting this company to drill in Africa.

(But I'm working my plan)

But this post is not about any of that but rather the daily dose of what I get by working at a place of industry.

And it is an ear opener and a eye poper.

.

Prepare for laughter and a touch of offense

 I sometimes think my company is its a covert operation for something else.  As I am going through the invoices and purchases orders I see things like "3 in brass nipples", "5 in female couplers" and  "dope was left".  Hmmmm......

I'm not an engineer  so I don't know the lingo- go it.  But the day I walked to the mail box and retrieved a drilling magazine titles "Deep Hole Driller" I really just had to laugh-

Really?  They couldn't think of a more politically correct name?

After awhile I started paying attention to the roughnecks when they turned in payroll and talked logistics with the boss.   

WOW

 here are a few lines I have over heard:

"I'm going to need the strippers ASAP on tomorrows platform."

"Use the 1 inch black nipples they cover better"

" Video tape the site and see if the female couplers are leaking"

Now I know a little bit about home improvement and know they describe male/female when something locks together, but I really didn't know the extend of the debauchery.  Here are just a few names used in drilling, electrical and other industries:

butt splicer 

whole spreader

blow off preventer

grippers

suction                                             

socket wrench

windlass

pike pole

wench

slip joint

male reducers

probe

dykes

just to name a few 

and of course the obvious screw, screwdriver and cockpit.

What I am convinced of ,after learning all the terms used in industry, is that the world was indeed established by men . 

Hence all the names and references that they can remember.

And I thought Miley was in the  skank business...

This is some dirty business

Excuse me  I need to shower now.

I am guilty.

Guilty of trying to be the greatest mom.

Guilty of trying to convince others of this pretense as well

I looked for affirmation among the motherhood crowd and the crowd I tried to appease came with a big price tag.

I am a Christian and I want my children to be raised following Christ.

So my first clue should have been to turn to Him and Him alone.

But I was surrounded by other great believers and great church and endless Christian resources. 

Some of you may be able to decipher better than me and could take the advice of some either in person or through a book and then throw out the rest that doesn’t work for you

I didn’t possess that great skill but I ended up earning it.

When I didn’t meet the criteria that I thought was better than me I poured on the guilt and then the determination followed by the exhaustion and then the explosions.

Next came the shame and repentance, followed by fatigue and depression.

Then I would get just enough to carry on in a recognizable form of sanity but eventually would cycle back .

You are probably thinking what in the world made you like that ?

Things like:

 Homeschool – I didn’t  I don’t

 Family devotions everyday without fail-  we tried, some were funny others I was to controlling

Lead and encourage other women at church- I’m not good enough in my walk to lead others

Work the children’s nursery- I love the little ones they don’t judge

Volunteer – so much that we went to church as a divided family unit for an entire  year

 These  may seem silly to you but I bet you can insert your own statements from  whatever is important to you and I might find it ludicrous.

But I bet we are not that far apart when

 we have good intentions and unstable motivation.

Anyway I realize I set many of these things up in my own head 

and to be honest with you not many of the people 

who surround me would ever guess at my insecurities.

Others who had to one up me were never secure to begin with .

I went the route of “let me tell you all the great things” 

I do thinking  and I would  just justify myself bless the socks 

off of who ever was listening!

God quickly cured me of that as I realized 

I was talking about doing more than I was doing- OUCH

But even in  a circle of believers I never seemed to be enough. In my mind anyway.

We should encourage one another and not one up, 

,judge or belittle one another.

But ultimately my relationship with God relies on Me and God.

And since God has no insecurities about His love for me ,  I had to conclude that it was ME.

I mistook the approval of those I admired for the approval of God.

And it could not have a been a bigger lie.

My behavior wasn’t the matter.

I was doing all the good things so to speak

But my motivations were not pure.

And they brought no peace.

It was like a task list of Holier than Holies.

• 3 chapters of the Bible read-check
• Devotion read –check
• Prayer journal-check
• Scripture cards memorization-check
• Bible study done-check
• Bible study attended-check
• Read latest Christian parenting book-check
• Asked (nagged) husband to lead devotion (again)-check, check, check
• Read Bible story to kids-check
• Got fussy when oldest didn't do devotion-check

And then there were these unwritten checks

• Talk about a parenting moment when you used Biblical principals-check
• Correct your child in that non sarcastic sweet way when disciplining in front  of others- check
• Recommend date night with out fail because your marriage depends on it
• Join 4 Bible studies simultaneously (seriously someone smack me)

I am not saying that these things are not good or are not helpful I’m simply saying

MOTIVATION MATTERS

It matters what or who motivated you – that is when authenticity is born.

Now I’m not claiming “if you feel like it” here.

 NO those who don’t do anything until they feel like it are just lazy- self included .

I understand obedience is necessary, but to Whose obedience?

Your Bible study leader?

The chick down the street who has “it all together?”

Even if the end result is what it should be

God knows my heart – He knows who I am trying to please

To be affirmed by

This surely has to quality for the “filthy rags” Isaiah refers to  as our acts of righteousness.

It is no wonder so many of us lose our true “want to”

and we label God as demanding and oppressive . I did

But He is not either of those things-

HE is waiting for me kindly and lovingly .

Waiting for my  control freakness to die .

Can I really rest?

Not in an exhaustive hot mess heap but really rest and not “do” anything but be loved?

I am reminded of the words in Isaiah

 “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust  is your strength, “   

Yes I can rest and count on Him . 

The end of this verse holds a sharp reminder

 and rebuke to the people of Isaiah day

 and it is a red flag for us.

It states :

“but you would have none of it.”

The verses that follow as you can imagine are not pretty.

I want to rest in Him .

 I want to trust in Him and I do not want it said of me that “ I would have none of it”. 

NO Lord I do not want you to be able to say that to me.

I want to say that “I took all of it”

All the repentance from my striving

All the rest You have to offer

This is my Salvation

All the quietness in my mind

All the trust in Your love for me

This is my strength

I wanted to be such a good mom and I am a good mom.

I love my children and they love me and all of us are strewn together by the loving hands of Our Sweet Heavenly Father, who has been abundantly generous in  His grace.

I made many mistakes as a young mom and I still make some today but one thing is sure: God has never left or forsaken me

And I can rest.